Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
