I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize