WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
