Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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