Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
