This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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