I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
