..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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