Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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