You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
