even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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