The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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