that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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