yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
