Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
