i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
