Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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