Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
