she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
