Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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