So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
