I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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