I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
