My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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