Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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