I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I need to stop coming to work sober
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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