Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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