actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
