Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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