Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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