Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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