im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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