8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
