when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
