He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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