I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
