So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
