Pants 0. Shit 1.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
