Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
