The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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