the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
