he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
this hospital has no fireball
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
