Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
