mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
