I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
