There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I didn't notice because vodka
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
