I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
