I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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