there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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