I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
