Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
