what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
