i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
