Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
