My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
