i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
