You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
