Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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