grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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