So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
