alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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