In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
