I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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