I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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