...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
