I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize