someone get that fucking seahorse.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Let's get the cat blown out
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize