the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
