Tell her she can't have a vagina
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
