My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
