I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
